Glee 2012

It was the last day of Glee yesterday, the erstwhile jamboree for the paving and garden industry that has been on a downward spiral for at least four years and, on the evidence of a three hour visit on Monday, is now just millimetres from smashing into the ground and bringing to an inglorious end one of the sorriest stories of the economic downturn. What was once the highlight of the residential paving trade's entire year, with the big manufacturer's splurging six-figure budgets on ever more lavish displays, is now, at best, a complete irrelevance, and, according to some, nothing more than a joke.

And this is the central problem with Glee in 2012. It is no longer even vaguely interested in the paving and hard-landscaping industry. It has sold its soul, lock, stock, barrel, keys and bloody pin code, to the Garden Centres.

And Garden Centres just don't sell quality paving. They sell the sort of cheaply produced crap churned out by faceless non-entities in soulless industrial units, in one or two sizes, in one or two colours.

People don't buy paving from garden centres. They might buy the odd two-by-two to use as a base for a bird bath, or a couple of ugly mis-shapes to create so-called stepping stones, but they don't buy the sort of highest quality, professionally developed, tried-and-tested paving which used to be brought to us by Marshalls, Bradstone, Brett, Stonemarket, Cemex and the rest who have long since fled, taking their ample marketing budgets with them.

It's not just the paving lads and lasses that have been ignored and allowed to fall by the wayside. The plant growers, the trade that was in a previous century the life and soul of the GC business, no longer show up at Glee.

The Purveyors of Pet nonsense have gone too. All we have left is two partially filled halls (it used to be five packed to the gunwales) piled high with chuffing flowerpots, cutesy wet-cast Disney-fied hedgehogs, and every conceivable form of flimsy garden tool as made in the Guangdong province.

Borderstone had tactfully forewarned me that there'd be lots of stuff I wouldn't like on their stand, but if I dropped by, they'd at least offer me a brew, so that seemed like a good place to start. The whole BradStoneBorderStoneFlair nexus is beginning to assume some form as it slowly condenses from the nebula. Bradstone is the proper paving brand with all the connotations of innovation and quality that we rightly associate with the name, while BorderStone is now the brand that does basic paving (individual two-by-twos and stepping stones sort of thing) along with the bingo prizes of concrete Buddhas, Graeco-Roman water carriers, and dilapidated old boots so beloved of the befuddled who fritter away their pensions in the GCs of this country.

However, they do have a clever new idea, and it's worth a quick peek. It's nowt world-changing, but it is something that is proving to be very popular – a raised planter. Dead simple idea: concrete base panels in a wooden sleeper effect that interlock to create a neat rectangular raised bed, ideal for a few flowers or, more commonly nowadays, home-grown veg. There are two heights available, but only one colour – dirty sleeper brown, of course. The great advantage is that unlike timber, concrete doesn't rot and it doesn't need to be steeped in nastikemmickles for a month and a day to prevent it being eaten by all sorts of invertebrates. OK, it's a bit heavier, and it looks, well, concrete-y, but once it's filled with soil, it's going nowhere and within a season, the algae, lichens and mosses will have given it a real sense of character.

As mentioned earlier, Global Stone are one of only two 'proper' paving displays, in that all they were showing was paving and, by Monday lunchtime at least, they hadn't succumbed to the GC imperative and started flogging replica goblins or pet memorials. They had, however, unveiled a more GC-friendly imprint, albeit with the respected Global Stone brand still attached to it. Garden Style by Global Stone is their attempt to provide a basic package to the GCs with simple products (150mm square shallow sandstone setts, the inevitable two-by-two flag, etc.) with the sort of Point Of Sale (POS) promotional nonsense that persuades GC owners to dedicate a dusty corner and entice weekend garden warriors to part with their dosh.

I hope it does well for them, but what really took my eye was a new stone with a shot-textured and lightly polished finish to accentuate a slightly marbled looking character in what seemed like a light rose colour (sodding sodium lamps in the NEC don't do any favours!). The only problem with it was the name: Global Artisan Collection Serenity Paving Monsoon really doesn't trip off the tongue. I reckon if you were to ask for Monsoon, they'd know what you mean. It's being touted as a new colour in the Serenity range, along with the strangely named "Sandlewood" (sic) but I think it's actually a new stone. Mirage also has two new colours; Castle Grey shouldn't require any explanation (it's a polished grey sandstone if you couldn't guess) and Sea Breeze, which is slightly more enigmatic but turns out to be a sandy-buff polished sandstone.

While Global Stone have built their reputation on sourcing better-than-average natural stone, Living Stone come from the other end of the paving continuum and made their name with wet-cast. It's been a busy couple of years for Living Stone. The company got bought up by Peacock's Salt (wet-cast and de-icing salt - a lethal mix if ever there was one!), they built a new production line at the Lincoln HQ, and then brought in a new MD to replace Phil who's off on what is being referred to as a "sabbatical" studying for a MBA. Isn't running a business the best training for business?

Anyway, unlike Global, Living Stone are probably better suited to the GC model. They do home deliveries; they do bagged aggregates; they do lots of bright POS stuff; and they've even started doing the cheesy garden statuary. To be fair, the statuary they are selling is of a very high quality and has a relatively low cheese content (only spotted a single cutesey bunny) and it does make the whole package more interesting to the GCs, as they can get wet-cast, natural stone, aggs, statuary and de-icing salts all from one supplier.

That, however, is not a view shared by near neighbours, Natural Paving , who have been tightrope-walking along a tether with Glee for a couple of years and now seem to have reached the end. They have been pushed to this point by the intransigence and folly of the organisers. Natural Paving were the only exhibitor to actually lay any paving, to show paving in its intended position, at ground level, laid flat, there to be walked upon. To construct a high quality, exhibition standard display of many different types and forms of paving takes time, and by cutting the permitted build time to just three days, the organisers have effectively put an end to this sort of stand. The Natural Paving build team were in at one minute past midnight on Friday to have any chance of being ready for opening on Monday morning. What they achieved in that time is a near miracle. Obviously, it's not perfect: that would be impossible for any team building such a large and complex stand in such a limited timeframe, but it is certainly impressive.

It's apparent that the organisers prefer the 'wheel-it-in, stack-it-up, piss-off-quick' exhibition model, which runs counter to what is the best way to display good quality paving. It's fine if you're selling bagged aggs or pallets of stepping stones, but when your offering is the real premium stuff, quality paving that needs to be laid to a sizable area to truly show off its charms, then three days is an insult and can only be interpreted as another indicator of the "we don't want your sort here" attitude that seems to have blighted Glee over recent years.

It's a warm, creamy fine-grained stone speckled with fossilised shell debris, sawn to a wonderfully smooth surface which shows off its full character. And I don't want to steal their thunder, but the proposed retail price is fantastic. In fact, I had to get MD Paul Shephard to repeat it because I thought I'd misheard him at first. If all goes well with the supply deal, you'll be able to get your mitts on a delicious British stone that has the light tones of the inexplicably popular sandstone Mint rubbish but with a much better pedigree and all for just a few quid more than you are currently paying for inferior imported stuff.

This year, their stand is dominated by these alternative castings; not just troughs, but staddle stones, bird baths, sundials and the inevitable cutesy animal figures. It may not be to my taste, and not what I come to Glee to see, but in an ultra-competitive world where money is tight, if this sort of nonsense sells, then I'm delighted to see smaller, regional firms such as Lonstone take that money, as it means they can continue to manufacture their distinctive, locally-tailored paving which works so well in that part of the world.

However, I'm not sure how successful a strategy this was proving to be. I perused the stand a couple of times, but despite being there for several minutes each time, staff didn't seem to think it was worth interrupting their own personal conversations to enquire if I needed any assistance or required any information. You could tell the boss was away! I'm sure Gary wouldn't be sat on his haunches surfing the interweb when there were potential customers to serve.

In the glory days, I used to award a jokey prize for best new product, but in these latter days, it seems more appropriate to give an award for 'worst bit of tat' and thought I'd found an early winner with the 1.5 metre-high "Yoda dressed as Santa" model which would surely be the perfect centrepiece for Buck House or Number 10 this Christmas, but I'd been a bit previous.

I know this is supposed to look like Father Christmas hugging Rudolph, but at first glance, it does look as though, to use the vernacular, Santa is giving one to the poor red-nosed reindeer from behind. Real Class!

And somehow it's a metaphor of what Glee has become.